Shame On Me.

The laughters and the memories

Were made, sealed, protected.

But what of the laughter?

It will fade in to nothingness

Forever in the voice of the wind.

And what of the memories?

They will be nothing but 

Whispers of times that passed 

Frolicking in the sun

Holding hands down the busy street

Making love in the afternoon

The endless warm balmy nights

I have no regrets

Oh no I don't.

But shame on me

For holding you so lovingly.

And shame on me for kissing you

With my eyes shut so tight. 

My Bubble. MINE.

I dwell in my little bubble.

It's a bubble of Green, cheese, chocolate and books. Of poetry, Johnny Depp and plain tea.

It is also a bubble of misery. 

It is a bubble of intense depression and hate.

Hate for the world and the humans and what they are. 

It's a bubble of varying emotions and thoughts.

It consists of a myriad of smiles, frowns

Oh yes, laughter and tears too.

I am happy in this bubble I dwell in. 

Is it because I am shunned from reality in my bubble?

Or is it because reality is in high definition

in my bubble?

High definition like a Sony Bravia screen.

Oh I don't know. Something about my bubble... it just amazes me.

My bubble is awesome and it's cool.

I advise you to get a bubble like mine.

That way, you can live in happy ignorance and care about things ONLY worth caring about

Like abortion, child labour and when you will become famous. 

And in your bubble, you are free to run naked for all you want.

Because it is YOUR bubble. You want to be a naked chimpanzee? Go for it. 

Your bubble will be your best friend.

A pretty pretty best friend. 

Get yourself a bubble and let me know.

We'll go bubble dancing together.

And while we're at it, don't burst my bubble.

I won't take it lightly.

Because when you break my bubble, you break me.

And no one breaks me.

No one. 

Gravity's Story

Prologue

Gravity, My Dear, what is your deal?

Why do I trip over my own heel?

Why do I stumble on surfaces flat?

Why can't I land stable like a cat?

Gravity, Dear Gravity, why so cruel?

Walking against you, a constant duel

Where is balance? Please give it back

What say you? Shall we make a pact?

Epilogue

So Gravity and I, we made a pact

And for a while everything remained intact

And then things started going downhill

I wondered why I could not stand still

I fell down, I spiralled to the depth

And on that note, the pact hit death

I screamed at Gravity for letting me fall

For I did no wrong, it was all his fault

But Gravity smiled and said to me

"Dear Child, you are failing to see

Things were meant to go this way

When you fall out of love, I have no say"

The Scar

I stand in front the mirror and smile

I stare at my self and wait for a while

Willing myself to change, to change

And I'm still me, it is so strange

I raise my shirt and study my skin

Soft and smooth, curving in

I look at the scar which marks my side

I study the scar that spreads wide

I go back to that horrible scar

Like a lightining bolt, my skin its marrs 

A part of me which I cannot hide

Acceptance raises the fallen pride

I look at the scar, and there it stays

A patch of skin that's dark and raised

I smile and the scar, I trace it's shape

I see no reason to find an escape

The heart in me with good pride swells

Thank you scar, you taught me well. 

A/N: Always nice to have a moment to accept one's self. ;)

Stab Me.

Stab, stab, stab.

That's all they do.

Stab you from the back, right into your spine

Cutting off all your senses

Whispering lies in your ears

Lies that you grow to believe.

Stab your lungs so you can't breath

Puncture your skin and let it bleed

Stab you again, and again, and again

Stab, stab, stab.

That's all they know.

Stab you with kindness

Stab you with words

Meaningless "I'm always here"s

"You can count on me"s

Stab you even when you scream no.

Stab you with kisses, with care.

Stab, stab, stab.

You stab yourself right under the ribs

And when you're lying a pool

Of your own blood flowing on the tile

You look around for one of those stabbers

They're gone.

With them, their kindness, words and care.

"I'm always here"? Really now?

Go fuck yourself.

All you did was stab.

Stab, stab, stab.

Stabbed me until I stabbed myself.

And then you left.

Stab, stab, stab.

That's all they do. 

Stab, stab and stab.

The Boy

He sings to me; that boy that man

He sits outside my window pane

Every night without fault I see him smiling

Sitting through the dreary rain

He sings his songs, so soft so beautiful

Heart breaking, a soft lullaby

His voice it tilts me over soft yonder

When the moon smiles in the sky

His long lean body shakes in the cold

And it calls out for my embrace

I see him through my window glass

Through curtains and trails of lace

Caged I am within these walls 

For I cannot speak out to that boy

His eyes smile like the Evening Star

It brims with unbridled joy

I long to hold him for I am falling in love

But I cannot bring down these walls

So I sit and listen as he sings to me

As his voice to my soul it calls

The need for me to sooth his hurt

Grows to drive me insane

But I cannot go so I sit and watch

The boy outside my window pane. 

An Ocean of Tears

A tear is a strange thing. Why do I say this?

Well, a tear denotes so many things. One might call a tear the unit of the myriad human emotions we come across. A mother will cry when her child does her proud. The same mother will cry again when her child falls fatally ill. You might see a tear in the eye of a man who is so angry at himself for losing someone in his life. You'll see a tear in the eyes of a boy who did things he is now regretting. 

Tears are everywhere.

Funny thing about tears is that they are beautiful. They are beautiful, they are magical, and even if they are tears of hate, they are still magical. They shine and they catch the light and show the colours of the rainbow, just like how it contains emotions.It's impossible to imagine that one drop of salty water that falls from your eye carries a world of emotions in it. Maybe it's joy, maybe it's grief. Maybe it's deep rooted anger or regret. As humans, we can feel a vast spectrum of emotions. Most of these emotions don't even have words to describe them, but we have given words to a chosen few. The most prominent of all these is love. 

Love is like a burning flame. Get too close, it makes your eyes burn and water from the heat. Go too far, your eyes water from the cold indifference. Either way it makes you cry. The better part of love can be denoted by vibrant colours like red, orange, vermilion and gold with bright blue, light blue and pink. All the colours of a flame, blending together, burning and burning forever. The sadder part of love is in black. Complete and utter black. The same black that you experience when a flame goes out and plunges the surroundings into darkness. This is much the same with love.

We cry in both circumstances. We cry because we are so happy that someone loves us so deeply. We cry that the one we loved left us. Tell me honestly, is crying a weakness? Some would say it is. Actually, most would say it is. I think I'm the minority that says not. We humans, we creatures of amalgamated emotions cry inside our hearts... but it's not always so easy to let the tears fall. Crying is the first step to acceptance.. which is the path to healing. It takes courage to cry. It takes fear not to.

Every tear that falls finds it way to the ocean. Tears are endless, and this is why the ocean is so vast, never ending and expanding. It cannot be tamed. It cannot be forced to behave because the ocean is comprised of human emotions that fell down human cheeks and filled up the trenches of the sea bed. Human emotions cannot be forced to behave, just like the oceans. You never know how it will react, just like you do not know on which part of your cheek the next tear will fall on.

So, it's okay to cry. After all, if not for the tears, we'd have no oceans.

Instructions to Love

Speak to me

We might get very close.

Hear me sing

You will see my face glows.

Sit next to me

We might end up best friends.

Let me speak

So I can make amends.

Dance with me

I don't mind left feet.

Praise my talents

I don't have conceit.

Hug me tight

You will feel warm.

Text me, me call me

I'm here through the storm.

Hold my hand

You might fall for me.

Stroke my hair

I won't be clingy.

Smile with me

I might make your day.

Watch me write

Of the things unsaid.

Stand your ground

I might fall for you.

Point out wrong

I have no rue.

Get to know me

I might make you smile.

Take me as I am

For I am worthwhile.

Heaven Can Wait

You throw pebbles at my window in the middle of the night.

I squint out to the darkness and flick on my light

With the skill of a monkey you scale the apple tree

'Cause I know you're there to set me free

The sky is vast, does it mean we're lost?

If ice is pounded, do we call it frost?

You like the bed hair, the frumpled clothes; I smile

Before I sleep again, it will be a while

We sneak out in the dark and into your car

You whisper to me "Baby it isn't far"

I see that the knots on the rope have come undone

Tonight let's misbehave because we know that it is fun.

We sit on the hood of your car and it's dawn

I giggle and wink when you stifle your yawn

I stand up and when I start to sing our song

The sun comes up and it's hot and strong

What will be if we lie face down on the sand?

What the hell now, we've already been eternally damned!

Our mothers find out that we snuck out at night

They shock us as they smile at us without any fight

Then you grab me tightly and hold me by the waist

And say "Baby, you know, heaven can wait"

As we kiss we know that we're going to be late

We don't give a damn 'cause heaven can wait. 

Dance With Me

The breath I draw is now careworn.

The heart and beats are battered and torn.

Do you want it?

Maybe you had it.

It doesn't matter now, I am alone.

The eyes that once did shine so bright

Have no sense, no depth, no light.

Who took it away?

Nothing more to say

That battered heart cries of fright.

The empty hands that once held

The soft embrace that once witheld

Where has it gone?

Where is that song?

That once in time wind upheld?

No you cannot start that fire

Not when the heart is barbed in a wire

Detach it, you must

In time I will learn to trust

The surest start of wildfire.

So blaze your kisses down neck and throat

Sing to me the song you wrote

Make my hair fall down

Pleasure away this frown

Make me beg to stay afloat

A broken heart, in pieces and shards.

Do you want it?

No.

Would you take it?

No.

Win it.

I want you to win it.

It's the only way.

The beats are long, just sway.

Dance with me this night.

Dance to the pink dawn light.

It's the only way.

Blue.

The sky was a brilliant blue. Bluer than blue, if that was possible. He loved the sky like this. He always has. It was her favourite color. He was spread out on the sand, his Hawaiian print trunks blending in well with the beautiful shades of the peaceful beach. There was a small sprinkling of cirrus clouds at the horizon and the water spread out over them in an ever changing, un-tameable expanse of cerulean. Beautiful azure, the deep richness of lazuli.. it was haunting mixture of blues. He sighed, crossing his hands under his head. The sun beat down upon him, burning and soothing. The coconut palms shook their green leaves gracefully at the caress of the wind. The sand was glinting gold, each grain of sand glowing brilliantly. 

He closed his eyes and for several minutes, he could here the gentle crashing of the waves and the rustle of palm fronds and he thought of her. The beach always reminded him of her. When he opened his eyes, she was there, right next to him. He smiled, knowing he'd always find her when he needed. She was dressed in a white cover-up, a yellow bikini tied at her neck. Her thick black hair gracefully fell past her shoulders and it shone in the sunlight. On her lips was a familar smile. 

"I have missed you" he said, his hand reaching out to hers. She held it, and slid close to him. 

"And I have missed you" she replied, running a finger up and down his arm. He sat in an upright position, cross legged, and they faced each other. He took her face in his hands and stared at it, long and hard, like he couldn't stare enough. He studied her deep brown eyes, her soft nose, her lips and he looked at the scar on her cheek. He stroked it gently with his thumb and kissed it. She closed her eyes. He held her to him and breathed in her familiar scent. 

Together, they lay back on the sand and watched the blue sky. Nestling comfortably on the hollow of her throat was a pendant of a blue butterfly, made of opal. His gift to her. He touched this and stroked her neck softly, finally leaning over to kiss her. Her body was small and delicate in his large arms and he held her to him, kissing her and recalling memories. Time passed on. 

The sky was now a shade of light gold and pink. 

"It's time" she said. His heart sank.

"When will you be back?" he asked her. They stood up. 

"I won't be back" she said sadly. His heart stopped. 

"No.....No! NO!" he shouted. He grabbed her and held her, and suddenly, it was who was she was holding him, supporting him. 

"It really is time love. I have no say in this" she explained. He felt tears welling up. He sobbed and he couldn't hold it back. She was holding him as he cried in her arms.

"Stay" he said.

"You'll learn to love again" she said.

"But you taught me! You taught me what is was. How can I learn again?" he protested, raising his head. Tears were pouring down his face and he noticed tears on her own cheeks. 

"I love you" she said.

"Don't go" he pleaded. 

"I love you. I loved you with every single beat of my heart. Those beats were numbered. But I loved you to the very last of them" she said softly. 

"No..Please.. Stay. I love you." he cried.

"This heart will always be yours" she said.

"Stay" he said. 

"You'll find someone who loves you for who you are. Someone who'll be around longer. When that happens, think of me. Think of me and know that I'm watching you and I am happy for you"

"No" he said. He held onto her and they held each other for an eternity and yet it could not be enough. The sun sank lower and lower in the sky until it was disappearing below the horizon. 

"I love you" she whispered.

"I love you" he said. He held her... and suddenly his arms were wrapped around thin air. She was gone. His knees gave away... and he fell. She was no more. 

Another afternoon.

He watched the blue sky. It was her favourite colour. His missed her. His heart was still hers. He never really got it back. 

Suddenly, a little butterfly with brilliant blue wings settles on his knee. He holds his breath. A breeze blows through the palm fronds and he hears her voice in the wind. He and the butterfly watch the sky and a tear rolls down his face.

She loves me.