Showing posts with label LSDGreen Trippin'. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LSDGreen Trippin'. Show all posts

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Bouganvillea Sang While I Waited For You



It started as a balmy, every day Sri Lankan day when the araliya flowers in my gardens were in bloom. The days were hot and the nights were hotter, the muslin curtained windows were thrown open to coax in the slowest of breezes. The balmy days of a Sri Lankan spring slowly turned into the characteristic humid summer. My parents were cutting mangoes, and the golden juices pooled lazily at the bottom of the plates almost beautifully as we watched a sneaky fly or two trying to get into it. 

Who would have thought that you'd come along? 

My days were slow, sad. Only paced up with those days at the Barefoot Cafe where my friends and I spent hour upon hour reflecting on the shallowest vagaries of life and drinking liter upon liter of beer and in my case, iced tea. The balmy Sri Lankan spring turned into a humid Sri Lankan summer. The beat was slow, temporal. Out of sync, out of place. Summer hardly felt like summer, but it's always summer in our little island paradise. The birds were too tired to sing, it was far too warm. The butterflies couldn't step out, the sun would have burnt their wings into fairy dust. 

Who would have thought you'd come along?

The bright pink Bougainvillea in my garden, violent shades of magenta and orange; they blossmed in full stilt in the harsh sunlight, sining out their colours like an all too eager show choir. They were my mother's pride and joy. I'd spend the days fanning myself in the verandah with a battered copy of the Hi magazine dated three years back and my dogs would be at my feet, so lethargic in the warmth to even raise their heads up from their paws. The spring dragged on into the heat of the summer. My days were punctuated by cold faludas from Bombay Sweet, ice cold Cokes from the college cafeteria and cold milk chugged out of the carton at midnight. 

Who would have thought you'd come along? 

Ice creams melted just outside college as we walked out of the kade that sold Jumbo Jolly. Just when we though the heat wouldn't end, the first drops of the seasonal rain began to hit. A little to early in the year, it was true. No complaints, the heat was unbearable. Warm, cozy Sundays cuddled up in bed, a cold pillow to keep me happy, watching the plant world through a rain streaked window and drink ginger until it almost ran in my veins. The days were cool and beautiful, the streets were rain streaked and full of utter senesless joy. The nights were cold and blankets were soft. The fresh smell of the Earth from my garden as the summer-browned grass drank up the water was intoxicating. The Earth was rejoicing, as was I.

Who would have thought you'd come along?

The Indian Ocean frothed in front of us. The lights on Marine Drive were iridiscent blobs of the prettiest colours, blinking along the coastline of our beautiful Colombo. Back to the summer days of the hot days and hotter nights, with occasional patches of rain to keep us happy. The waves broke on the rocks like crystal breaking into little shards of diamonds, a million glittering points of utter wonder. We watched as the sky is a shade of mostly royal blue with a traitorous patch of tangerine, pink, purple velvet, Barium green or red, showing that the sun isn't totally gone. The lights of Colombo blinked merrily, and seated near the rail tracks of the beach down Marine Drive, we kissed just as a train passed behind us, our bodies shuddering at the thundering noise and impact, your grip only getting tighter.

We kissed.

I was waiting for you to come along.
All through these beautiful summer days.
All my life. 

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Single and Sold

You might be a girl reading this, or you might be a boy..
So I shall write this story in both perspectives.
You wake up, the sunlight hits your eye, it's annoying. 
You blink, you check the phone.
You have some GPRS charges messages from Dialog, some Tweet mention messages,
some Facebook wallpost messages.You want to sleep.
He/she calls you. You talk about useless things for fifteen minutes. 
Call ends.
You smile, widely awake. Okay, let's start this day!

You walk around, on the road, with your friends. You are talking, texting, watching the road,
doing the uber-multitasking that youngsters are so inept at these days. 
You have your phone in your hand, you dressed in the usual college life garb;
the jeans, the causal t-shirt, the sneakers and your bag is slung over your shoulders.
There is a boy flirting with you. He notices how your hair shines in the sun, he loves the way you talk.
There is a girl faltering under your gaze. She loves the deep gravelly tone of your voice,
she likes the fact that you can play the guitar. 
Phone beeps.
A message from him, a message from her.
All thoughts of that other person who likes you...
... ah well, they lie flat, like a fallen leaf down a lonely road. 

You are having a bad day. You are frustrated, anger is creeping up on you,
work is piling up, homework is nowhere close to being finished.
You want him to call. You want her to text. 
You stare at the phone.
You are bored, you are not absorbing anything on the white board.
You are far far away from the lecture room as you can be.
Lectures finish. Your day is no better.
You send a random text. 

You come home. You are on Facebook when person from your class comes up on chat.
A boy, a good looking one, flirts with you. A really pretty girl finds you interesting.
You reply like a dead duck.
All the while, staring at your phone, willing it to ring with that name on it. 
Day is winding, you slip into bed. 2200 hours. 
Phone rings, you smile.
You talk on and on for an hour or so, ending the day talking to this person.
This person, who is not yours to have.
This person who makes you feel good,
makes you smile
This person who should clearly sort out their stupid issues
and say "Screw that "
and just be with you. 
Because you and that person, are perfect.
The two of you are so dysfunctional that the ridges fit just right. 
Two broken halves of the same cookie.
You end the call, you end the day.

You stare at the wooden slats of your ceiling,
and think of that boy who flirts with you.
You think of the pretty girl who likes you.
They'd be very happy if you gave them a chance.
Another face comes to your mind.
His spectacled face and toothy smile.
Her soft curly hair and twinkling eyes.
You sigh, knowing that this is how it will be
..for a long time to come. 

Because you are single..
.. and yet your heart is sold. 

To Be Fat, To Be Proud

I hear the line.. "You aren't fat, you're just chubby". You know, in all honesty, I am sick and tired of hearing bullshit like that. I am fat, I know this and I don't want to change. It's harder than you think, living in my body. Certain events that occurred today led me to write these thoughts down and inculcate what I have been feeling into one note. 

Look, telling a fat person they are chubby won't make them feel better. Especially a girl. And you know what? We still live in such a superficial, negative society where size is hated upon. Either you are too skinny or too fat. No one really actually makes a fuss about being skinny. It's harder being large and being a girl. You see, if you are a guy and you are on the heavy side, you can still date a skinny girl. But this frame of mind does not apply to a girl. You are large and you're a girl, you'd probably feel conscious about having a crush on a skinny guy, let alone dating him. And believe me, I am talking from experience here.

I know I am talented and I know I am smart. I know I have a personality encapsulating many of the best traits, but that only goes so far in a world where appearance is everything. Sure, you get the one or two who say "Looks aren't everything" but no one really means it. Get real. Physical attraction is essential and who the HELL would be attracted to someone who's thigh is bigger than a normal person's legs put together?

You get these skinny girls screaming about how they are fat. To them I have to say.. Shut the f*ck up and live your f*cking life. You honestly have no fricking clue on how hard it is to live in a fat body. It's horrible having to see gorgeous girls with perfect bodies all over the place and look at yourself in the mirror and see how plain and ugly you are. Sometimes, you are afraid to like a boy because you are scared that you'll never be pretty enough or skinny enough. I have been feeling this, I have felt this and it's not something that will go away. Once in a while, you meet the nice guy who really adores you for you and it remains, but that's only so often.

I go partying with my friends. Am I asked to dance? No. Am I invited to the dancefloor? No. Not unless I invite myself. I go shopping for clothes. Everything is a size too small. The tops are too tight, the jeans too short. It's frustrating. You can't eat a fricking chocolate without being made to feel guilty. Everyone turns such a critical eye on you. It may sound plain on paper, but I am very sure that everyone of you who's reading this has made a fat joke at some point. Sure, the person might brush it off, but it really does cause a lot of heart ache and depression in a person who is insecure enough as it is. I have my strategy of hiding behind my mask. It's a strong, unbreakable, spirited mask. I call it my personality and it protects me from the negativity people send my way because of my size. But what of the people who are not as strong as I am? What of those girls who go home and cry everyday because some asshole made them feel ugly? And you know what, I shouldn't have to hide behind a mask in the first place!Stop and think. Us fat people, we have feelings too. When you behave so insensitively, we feel it. And it does hurt. More so than you think.

Finally, to the guys who read this, I have this to say: If you see a fat girl smiling at you, smile back. So what, her butt is twice the size of yours? If she likes you, love her back. She might have the capacity to make you happier than you might know. She might have an amazing personality. Share an ice cream with her and get to know her. Notice her shiny eyes and bouncy curly hair.
To the girls who read this: Stay beautiful. Just because you are fat, you shouldn't be made to feel ugly. Because you aren't. 

The Golden Balloon

She dragged her feet as she walked
She left skid marks on the ground
She slumped her shoulders, away she went
She walked with hardly a sound
The street was full of colourful balloons
It made her black and white
Her monochrome countenance swayed
Dull and out of sight

And then a golden balloon said " Hello Miss
How may I make you smile?" 
She raised her head and said very softly
"I haven't shed a smile in a while"
The golden balloon, his round face shining
Bobbed against the summer air
"Well then, just hold tightly to my string
I promise thee, it shant tear" 

She closed her eyes, she held the string
And then she thought no more
The golden balloon began to rise
Until she began to soar
Up and away they rose from the Earth
The balloon and the girl were gone
Fading forever to the vast blue expanse
Into the summer sunshine's song

:)

A/N: Sal o thys shael tia kylael shalyl :)

Of Seduction and Death

Blessed I be, by thy dark shadow
Blessed I be by your blackened light
O Divine Lady in thy voice falsetto
Stealing through the wrappings of night
Thee standeth before me, full figure
Black hair riding the winds of fate
Best friend, enemy, the brave grave digger
Lift thy hand and wipe life's slate
Red lips blackened, seductive glow
Glittering onyx, thyn eyes doth burn
Skin white bare, thy dress pool floor
Thy whisper in my ear, it is my turn
Make sweet moan, thy voice grows cold
Thy glistening skin, it turns so grey
My body grows numb, time is old
Earthly no more at the break of day
Thy smile is wide, thy grip too tight
Leadeath me slowly in deathly warble
Sing thy song, see no white light
O Lady Death, enchant this mortal

A/N: Inspired by Dissection, one of the best black metal bands in history. RIP Jon.

Oh My God, It's The Devil

Religion. Ah, it is such a prick.
And no, think what you want of me, but honestly religion is a whole load of crap. 

Do I believe in God? Interesting question.
The thing is, I don't. Half of the good things that have happened to me, I say they happened due to random chance, coincidence, luck and timing. Believable. I have a scientific mind.. And unless I have proof of something, my mind rejects it as being false by default.

Which is ironic you know? I'm a writer. I am supposed to believe in things beyond the conventional realm of things but my mind refuses to grapple with the concept that God exists. My mother preaches to me that He does. Sometimes it honestly gets on my nerves, but it's my mother and she has her beliefs and I have mine.
In all honesty, I don't have issues with people who believe in God. I don't have a problem with religion as long as religion doesn't apply to me. I mean a person I am close to could be one of those Bible quoting, Rosary counting people and it wouldn't bother me in the least because it's their life to believe whatever and do whatever. So here is my stand in things... I don't believe in God.

Ah, now comes the rub.
I believe in the Devil. Yes, yes I do.

Now let's back track and forget everything for a moment.

The universe is made of opposites. This is stuff we learnt for basic Physics/Science. Light has darkness, fat has thin, Voldemort has Harry Potter and Batman has the Joker. Opposites are needed to strike a balance. The world would never be a utopia because utopia would not flourish on its own, not without the dystopic element in it. Dystopia is crucial for the survival of utopia and vice versa. Just imagine lions stopped hunting deer... We'd be over run with deer and we'd have no fucking trees! See my point? Nature knows best, and knowing best is striking a balance. So there, we have our basic theory of opposites.

Now going back to the Devil. I said I believe the Devil exists right? Yeah. You know what bothers me? I don't believe that God exists but I believe the Devil does. Oxymoronic? Yes. That's like saying that I know light is present but darkness doesn't. I mean, no light = no darkness right. So... It's looks like my beliefs have been questioned! OH NO! I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN GOD!  THE HORROR!

Also, you know what's funny? We get all these self proclaimed Atheists, metal heads mostly. They speak exclusively of their strong disbelief in God and yet pay homage to Satan. To them, I say this: You are all a bunch of fucking hypocrites. Seriously. If you're going to disbelieve in God, you need to not believe in the Devil too. If you're going to hero worship Satan, you might as well accept the fact that God exists. And no, you cannot fault me on this because I am talking directly based on the theory of opposites. One end of an opposite can never survive without the other. Simple fact. I'd rather be a metal head who believes in both God and Satan than a hypocrite who believes just one side of it; to be evil is SO COOL NOH!

So now comes my take on things. 
Do I believe in God along with my belief in Satan?
Or do I believe that neither exists?
I won't consider either of them. I don't believe in God, I don't believe in Satan. Rather, I believe in something more powerful, something inevitable, universal and something far easier to grasp because we see proof of it everyday, we see it affecting everything from a virus particle to a blue whale; a flower to a tree.

Death.
I believe in Death.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A Craving For Love

Love comes is all shapes and size sand in so many various forms right?
But.. Tell me why the love we have is not the love we pay heed to?
Why do we have a hell-bent need for a different type of love?

We crave for the love that is like wildfire
With the bright, red flames that consumes us whole
And before we know, we lose ourselves
And in most cases we can't find our way back
We lose ourselves. So.. Why do we crave it?
Is it because that a love like fire is rare and doesn't happen often?
Or is it because we're hormone junkies? Riding on guilt trips and sorrow?

When a lover breaks our hearts we claim to have "lost the ability to love"
We claim to be "unloved by anyone".

Screw that. Open your eyes. See how many friends have pulled you to safety
Remember all the times your mother held you to her
If you have a younger sibling, you'll see in their eyes how they look up to in complete adoration and love
Think about the nights you were drunk and happy in the company of people you'd take a bullet for
So screw all the "I am unloved by anyone" stuff.

Crave the love you have. Not the love you don't. A love like a fire is still a fire. It will burn out someday.
But a love like magic, like the one you seen in the smallest things around you...
... it remains intact and unbroken, because the universe is built on magic. And the universe never ends.

Crave the love you have.
It's all around.
You just have to know where to look.

Lies

Darling your lips are red, they're shining
What poison apple did you eat?
Your eyes bloodshot, red blood lining
Your skin oh, flushed with heat

Darling your lips are red, they beckon
Lingering kisses on your throat
Your lush skin speaks in want I reckon
Your mind struggles to stay afloat

Darling your lips are red, they glisten
Like the diamond on your hand
Close your eyes and take a listen
To the funeral march playing band

Darling your lips are red with your lies
They're crimson, they're scarlet, they shine
Darling I see the fear in your eyes
As the knife traces your jawline

Darling your lips are red, I'm taking your life
It's killing me to hear your cries
They say an eye for an eye, it's beautiful
Your lips are red with your lies.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Amazing

The world is a bucket of technicolour paint
You are the blues, the colours of depth, and I am the yellows bright
We paint the world wherever we go
We're painters, skillful painters.


The ink that flows in the pen never ends
Because imagination has no end, it knows no limits nor bounds
We write what we see, than of what we know
We're chroniclers, travelling chroniclers. 


Maybe it be the sea and the crashing waves
Like how the water pounds on the rocks in a mystic mantra forever
Something about it is amazing
Just like we're amazing, amazing. 


Be it colour, be it black and white
There is something about the two of us, we are amazing, we are amazing
We shed light wherever we go
We are amazing, so amazing. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Bear

There was a bear that I once saw
Who loved green tea and ate eggs raw
He was really a cuddly bear
In his mouth was a golden pear
But he had a thorn on his paw

So he carried his hand in a neat mansling
He had cool shades with amazing bling
In his other hand was a mug
From which he did always chug
He would sing, oh he did sing!

He walks with the mug held tight in hand
His hair was bleached to the colour of sand
He his little chug mug was green
He enjoyed Lebanese cuisine
He liked his bear-girls sun tanned

On days if you were to pass his cave
And if in the air you feel a shockwave
Do not worry, he's just having fun
It's his party music, it's not a gun
He loves to smoke weed and rave

So if you happen to walk by past
The home of the bear with the hand in the cast
Stop and ask for the little green mug
He'll let you have hearty chug
Of honey-laced strawberry blast



A/N: This one is for Oshi, Naveen, Anaz, Najitha, Gava, Chanuk, Chathu, Thanuri, Ramith, Olly and Gyles; the jokers who put the "fun" back in funeral ;) <3

Heaven Can Wait

You throw pebbles at my window in the middle of the night.
I squint out to the darkness and flick on my light
With the skill of a monkey you scale the apple tree
'Cause I know you're there to set me free

The sky is vast, does it mean we're lost?
If ice is pounded, do we call it frost?

You like the bed hair, the frumpled clothes; I smile
Before I sleep again, it will be a while
We sneak out in the dark and into your car
You whisper to me "Baby it isn't far"

I see that the knots on the rope have come undone
Tonight let's misbehave because we know that it is fun.

We sit on the hood of your car and it's dawn
I giggle and wink when you stifle your yawn
I stand up and when I start to sing our song
The sun comes up and it's hot and strong

What will be if we lie face down on the sand?
What the hell now, we've already been eternally damned!

Our mothers find out that we snuck out at night
They shock us as they smile at us without any fight
Then you grab me tightly and hold me by the waist
And say "Baby, you know, heaven can wait"

As we kiss we know that we're going to be late
We don't give a damn 'cause heaven can wait. 

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Suck Your Lollipops Slow

"Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt,
and it feels like I'm alive"
- Incubus

We all know love hurts. It hurts like a bitch. It hurts before you fall in love, while you're falling in love, when you are in love and even after you have fallen out of love. It chases you, like a cheetah chasing a gazelle, rushing at you like a sperm after an elusive ovum. Does it make you feel like you're alive then? I suppose in a way, it does. See, after you've fallen out of love, you go through that period when you feel nothing but hurt right? I suppose in that context, the hurt of love makes you feel alive because you can actually feel the hurt while you can't feel any other emotions. It's like the only active emotion in a ring of dead emotions in your heart, and feeling that one emotion makes you go on with life. 


"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame.
darlin' you give love a bad name"
- Bon Jovi

We all know this. It starts with a glance, maybe a word, a casual conversation or even commenting on someone's status on Facebook. Time passes on and things move and you claim to have you heart stolen by that special someone and that Cupid's arrow went through the heart and all those nonsense allegories for love that modern culture have made up. Well if someone has the potential to steal your heart, look after if a little better. A heart stolen too many won't one day be worth a penny. Yeah, I just made that up. And you can't always blame the other person. You consented to a relationship, you consented to having him or her whisper sweet nothings in your ear. They sure as hell didn't force it on you. You can't blame them fully. One needs to take the blame half-way if you end up breaking up with someone. 

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
waking up is the hardest part" 
- John Mayer

I couldn't agree more. Because when you're dreaming, you don't have to think. The worse that could happen is that you'll have a nightmare about falling into a lake full of hungry mouthed crocodiles. You don't have to force yourself to be distracted so as to avoid all conscious thought. When you're asleep, you're asleep, and that's that. 

"It's almost always never you,
never you"
- Lissie

You wait for the calls, the text messages. Maybe, she had some work. Maybe, he must be out of the house tonight. You stare at the screen of your mobile so often every minute, it's like you have a twitch. Everytime the damn phone rings, you jump at it like a starved lion on an innocent deer. You're riding a wavelength of which the peaks are made of hope and the troughs are made of disappointment. Up and down on it, you go, convincing yourself that it's going to be okay. Guess what? Until you stop doing what you're doing, it'll never be okay. 

"Time was all we had,
until the day we said goodbye"
- Richard Marx

Somewhere during the "I'm So Over that Jerk" and "She was a Bitch Anyway, I've Moved On" stages of a post-relationship life, you have the moments of bittersweets. Moments of confusion and regret. "Did I do the right thing, letting him/her go?" you ask yourself. To be honest, there really is no point in regretting something that you thought over and made a decision about. It's during this period that your skies are the colour of a TV on static. The exact shades of gray. Never blue, pink nor red. Never. It seems to you like that things would never change. 

"It's a long way down,
when all the knots we've tied have come undone"
- Gin Blossoms

You have moved on, and now your interest is elsewhere. Some else is in your eyes and yet this time, you're more  relaxed. As terrible as it sounds, you're taking things less seriously and to your surprise, you find this other person is the same. You get on like the egg and the oil in mayonnaise. Impossible to mix at first, but with a little whirring of the egg in the correct ways coupled with the right doses of oil.. et voĆ­la! We have the yummiest mayonnaise. You find your grip on reality to be strong and steadfast while you lose yourself with this new person. Maybe because you learned something from your past experience. The growth of feelings now, is slower and more cautious. And yet, it's still cherished. There are loose ends, walls shattering and bonds breaking, but at a slower pace. A more relaxed pace.

"I came to dance dance dance dance.."
- Taio Cruz

Dance. Do it. Life is worthwhile, and despite the crappy quality of love, there are moments worth living for. Recognise these moments. It could be moments with your friends, a day you spent bowling. It could be a a beautiful blue sky on a sunny morning or it could be how you felt when you watched the November rain fall down and how it felt when it washed your face. It could be making parippu curry with your mum for lunch or even having your dog giving you whiskery kisses when you pet him. Life is worth those little things. God, or The Force, or whatever you call it, he's playing music for you. He's DJing so you better get your rear end on the floor and groove under the million sparkles of the disco lights. Dance your way through the days, even during the lowest of times. 

"Sucking too hard on your lollipop,
and love's gonna get you down"
- Mika

Love slowly. Live with your chin up and your boobs out. 
Suck your lollipops slow.


There is no rush.
No rush at all.