To Be Fat, To Be Proud

I hear the line.. "You aren't fat, you're just chubby". You know, in all honesty, I am sick and tired of hearing bullshit like that. I am fat, I know this and I don't want to change. It's harder than you think, living in my body. Certain events that occurred today led me to write these thoughts down and inculcate what I have been feeling into one note. 

Look, telling a fat person they are chubby won't make them feel better. Especially a girl. And you know what? We still live in such a superficial, negative society where size is hated upon. Either you are too skinny or too fat. No one really actually makes a fuss about being skinny. It's harder being large and being a girl. You see, if you are a guy and you are on the heavy side, you can still date a skinny girl. But this frame of mind does not apply to a girl. You are large and you're a girl, you'd probably feel conscious about having a crush on a skinny guy, let alone dating him. And believe me, I am talking from experience here.

I know I am talented and I know I am smart. I know I have a personality encapsulating many of the best traits, but that only goes so far in a world where appearance is everything. Sure, you get the one or two who say "Looks aren't everything" but no one really means it. Get real. Physical attraction is essential and who the HELL would be attracted to someone who's thigh is bigger than a normal person's legs put together?

You get these skinny girls screaming about how they are fat. To them I have to say.. Shut the f*ck up and live your f*cking life. You honestly have no fricking clue on how hard it is to live in a fat body. It's horrible having to see gorgeous girls with perfect bodies all over the place and look at yourself in the mirror and see how plain and ugly you are. Sometimes, you are afraid to like a boy because you are scared that you'll never be pretty enough or skinny enough. I have been feeling this, I have felt this and it's not something that will go away. Once in a while, you meet the nice guy who really adores you for you and it remains, but that's only so often.

I go partying with my friends. Am I asked to dance? No. Am I invited to the dancefloor? No. Not unless I invite myself. I go shopping for clothes. Everything is a size too small. The tops are too tight, the jeans too short. It's frustrating. You can't eat a fricking chocolate without being made to feel guilty. Everyone turns such a critical eye on you. It may sound plain on paper, but I am very sure that everyone of you who's reading this has made a fat joke at some point. Sure, the person might brush it off, but it really does cause a lot of heart ache and depression in a person who is insecure enough as it is. I have my strategy of hiding behind my mask. It's a strong, unbreakable, spirited mask. I call it my personality and it protects me from the negativity people send my way because of my size. But what of the people who are not as strong as I am? What of those girls who go home and cry everyday because some asshole made them feel ugly? And you know what, I shouldn't have to hide behind a mask in the first place!Stop and think. Us fat people, we have feelings too. When you behave so insensitively, we feel it. And it does hurt. More so than you think.

Finally, to the guys who read this, I have this to say: If you see a fat girl smiling at you, smile back. So what, her butt is twice the size of yours? If she likes you, love her back. She might have the capacity to make you happier than you might know. She might have an amazing personality. Share an ice cream with her and get to know her. Notice her shiny eyes and bouncy curly hair.

To the girls who read this: Stay beautiful. Just because you are fat, you shouldn't be made to feel ugly. Because you aren't.